Knowing What's Important Doesn't Stop Your Heart From Breaking

Hello, my name is Jennifer and I lost everything to Hurricane Sandy.  Ha.  Welcome to my 12-step program.

I asked myself, where do I begin?  With the worst part?  But there are so many “worst” parts. Do I talk about that night, what it was like, how it changed me forever?  Do I talk about the next morning, when I got my first post-storm look at my precious space in this world?  Do I start with the weeks that followed, the cleanup, the shock, the confusion, the disbelief; the devastation?

I mean really, where does one begin with such a story?  It is overwhelming now just thinking about how to convey the horror I went through, and the continuing shockwaves, but without creating pity on the reader's part.  I don't want pity.  I received pity from some people and it was awful.  Although I was and still am an injured bird, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, just to take great care with me.  

I guess that's an important point right now with all the natural disasters that have been happening.  

Don't pity the people in Oklahoma.  Don't pity anyone.  If you can’t help but feel it, don’t show them.  Love them, support them, be kind to them, and show them every ounce of respect you can muster.  Give what you can emotionally and financially but remember that even though they may have lost everything they had in this world, they haven't lost their pride.  Know how hard it is for them to accept those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and bottles of water.  Know how hard it is for them to take the used clothing you're offering because all they have left is the now dirty shirt they are wearing.  Know that it kills a little part of them to have to ask for a pair of shoes because they have none.  

Yes, they lived.  They still have their life and believe you me, they know they’re lucky.  But that doesn’t stop the deep heartache of losing everything they had.  All of their belongings that represented special moments in their lives, all of their photos, things you cannot replace.  Things are things, they understand that, but some “things” represent more than just a pair of shoes: independence, strength, safety, and humanity.

To accept help from loved ones isn’t always easy; to accept help from strangers can feel impossible.

“Thank you” becomes currency because it’s all you have and it’s impossible to express that even though you feel shamed by taking, you are also humbly grateful.

We all want to say, “You’re okay, you’re safe, and that’s all that matters.”  Even I say it, because I know deep down it’s true.  But after that moment of survival, begins the real struggle, the hard, unavoidable path survivors are forced to take.  It is not a path I would wish on anyone.  

So, yes, I know that I am blessed that I am here, that my dogs are safe, but I also lost my entire past.

I'll take the lessons, I'll learn, and I'll do better.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." 

- Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club